On almost giving up

On almost giving up

Hello my lovely people, there won’t be an episode tomorrow. I also want to talk to you about some serious doubts about continuing this journey.

But let’s start where we left off last time. I almost didn’t manage to upload an episode last Wednesday. After the laptop issue in the morning, I managed to get everything to work. I felt myself getting sick while editing but pushed through to finish the voice over and publication of the video. The moment YT showed the video as online, I closed the laptop and haven’t been able to even open it since.

I don’t know if it’s the flu or COVID. The doc said it didn’t matter which it was, and neither of us was fit to drive, so we didn’t get tested. This was a brutal one but we are through the worst. My brain is slowly returning.

Over the last days and nights, I had a lot of time to thing. I could not sleep due to all the pain (both the chronic and the flu-related, as I can’t take my regular medication while sick). I lay awake all night. And I thought.

I will have to be honest: I am not sure if I will be able to continue this channel much longer. Youtube is getting worse and worse. I am losing subscribers by the dozens, and while many of them are likely unsubscribing because they had different hopes for what I release, many are leaving Youtube.

Recently, Youtube canceled our subscription and offered to charge us almost double. So, we quit YT as viewers. Like many others, we no longer felt as if YT even remotely cared about anyone but their advertisers. So, we left.

But I am still here. I am still creating content, making you all watch those horrible ads, and telling my story.

I love making these videos. They are a lot of fun to make, and I love interacting with all of you. Telling stories is what I do. I do so as an author. I do so here. I did so when I was a photographer for a decade.

And I would love to continue to do so. But I am seriously doubting.

On the one hand, I don’t want to help YT exploit people. On the other hand, it becomes harder and harder to get anywhere. For the past weeks, I have lost more than 500 subscribers. Almost every video is doing worse than the last. Even my subscribers often don’t get to see the video in their feeds, and YT barely shows them to non-subscribers.

The only video that keeps getting views is 008 because it is on various foot fetish playlists.

I make a few cents per day. Yes, cents. I pay a lot more for my equipment, websites, etc. And I am sick of it. I am not writing this to get you to pay anything. Seriously, no. I am just telling you that it’s all not looking good.

There are three reasons why I am still here:

  1. I love interacting with all of you. I feel like we have built a tiny starting community here. When I post a video, I look forward to the responses. You people are wonderful! I appreciate you a lot.
  2. I can’t work a normal job. I can do this. I can educate a few people here, maybe even make a difference for a few people. I love sharing my journey, and none of this would be the same without you all.
  3. There is no alternative to YT. I can’t go elsewhere, so if I quit, I have to stop telling my story or move it all to my website where I am pretty sure few people would ever see the videos.

I don’t know what I will do but wanted to be upfront with all of you. Your support has meant the world to me.

I am still too sick to edit, and my voice is gone, so I couldn’t record the narration even if I forced myself. So, tomorrow, I will miss my first upload. I am sorry. I hope to be back Wednesday.

So long, and thanks for being here!