048 I had so much planned for this weekend

048 I had so much planned for this weekend

It is so unfair how beautiful it looks outside because it is literally freezing out there. While I am stuck inside, there is a lot to get done around the apartment–a lot of which I won’t get to.

I am waiting for my winter gloves to arrive, so I can go back and work in the garden. The gloves I’m currently using are not waterproof. Every time I want to use them, they are wet and too cold to actually do anything. So, I have been to the garden, but only a few minutes here and there to check on things. I haven’t actually continued working. And it is so hard, when it looks like this.

While I am stuck inside, there is a lot to get done around the apartment. It’s another weekend, so I’m going to play catch-up again in the hopes that this weekend, I might actually get around to some of the tasks I would like to get to:

Like cleaning out the basement, and figuring out a pantry,… Things like that. …the things that I’ve been putting off until winter. And now that winter is here, all I do is play catch-up? Well, we’re going to get to it, because I need to make some progress.

As always, the kitchen is most urgent to do, so I am going to start by doing some cleaning. The dishwasher says it wants a deep-clean, so we’re going to do that. And there is an entire drawer of produce that I need to deal with. So, all of that needs to get done. And then, hopefully, I’ll get to some of the things I want to get done.

I am no good at cleaning. I learned how to clean with fancy rags and chemical-laden sprays. Relearning takes time. I’m getting there.

As always when I know that I’ll be in the kitchen for a while, I like to do those tasks that take a lot of time but not a lot of work like making candles. I know I’ve been making a lot of candles, so I won’t show much of the process. But just if you see it in the background, I’m making candles again.

See, the weather is trying to trick me.

Drowning some aphids here… I’ve been dealing with an aphid infestation for weeks. I’ve tried a lot of things. Soapy water, neem, you name it. These plants even lived in my bathtub for a week. I showered them a few times per day. All of it helped, just not enough.

But back to the haily present.

Okay, the dish washer is deep-cleaned, and all the dishes are gone, so the kitchen is kind of at base state, and now it’s time to do some prepping.

But before I do any of that, I really need to boil some water to use in my netti pot, because my ear has been giving me all kinds of trouble.

Once that’s done, the small pot is available for making candles and such, and I’ll be chopping vegetables.

While the water boils, I feed my starter. I’m feeding one of the starters a lot of flour, so I can make pancakes the next day.

The netti pot water is finally boiled enough to pour through my nose. I so hate the feeling. But it’s worth it.

While the world outside was going from bad to worse, I started my produce prep.

I’ve been ignoring this drawer for too long, so the carrots need peeling. I am not good at using the peeler, because of my joints. I should have dealt with them a few days ago…

But “should” won’t get me anywhere. No matter how much I tell myself what I should do, should’ve done, there is only one me, and that me has limited spoons.

It is hard to forgive your body for being sick. Even harder to not take it as personal failure. I would not expect more from others. After years of being told that I’m fine, that I am just lazy, I am unlearning the rhetoric.

I’m learning to be kinder to myself, to accept that I am ill, and to see just how much I am doing despite that.

That’s especially hard when I have to “give up” early in the day. I often have all those plans for a day or a weekend. I have high hopes that I’ll catch up, get X or Y done. But then, I run out of spoons early, and have to rest.

I’ve been putting off dealing with the drawer of produce, not because I didn’t want to do it. I couldn’t.

Some of you have noticed my hands shaking when I chop veggies or pour something. It’s usually the first sign. At the very latest, I need to admit “defeat” when I start making mistakes.

Most things didn’t get done that day. Not even the produce. My kitchen was a mess all day!

The next day, I woke up to the first snow. And I tried again. I even got to some of the “want to do” tasks. I can’t wait to share those with you. So long, and thanks for being here.